Week 19

From Hardship to Empathy

Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Romans 12:15

No one ever said life was going to be easy. Quite the opposite is true. Jesus said that a life that follows Him will encounter many hardships. Yes, there will be many trials. But the good news is, going through hardships will make us stronger and closer to God when we rely on Him to get us through.

Another plus of going through something in your life is that we know can have empathy for others who are going through a similar situation. A mom can give another mom advice because she has experience with children. A teacher can give another teacher advice because he is going through similar situations in his classroom. Therefore, an ex-griever can give comfort and empathy to someone who is going through a hard time.

We don’t just give sympathy, but in our hearts we have sincere EMPATHY because we have gone through a similar situation. It sure can be an amazing experience to give comfort and assurance to someone who really needs it. And they will accept it, knowing you have been through something like them.

Him+Her Talk
Share with each other a hard time you have gone through. Notice if there are any similarities in your trials.

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Week 18

Some More Nagging

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Ephesians 4:29

We already discussed nagging when we want something, and how that drives our spouse away. However, there is another side if nagging that destroys relationships and causes wounds: nagging your spouse about their imperfections. Unfortunately, we all have our own shortcomings. These flaws can become something we constantly point out and nag our spouse about it.

When we try to change someone, we think it is something easy to do. However, before we expect another to change, we should try to change ourselves first. It sure is not as easy as it sounds either. Change takes time and LOTS of prayer for strength from God. Once we change ourselves, we can expect someone else to change. But until that happens, we can not expect another to change to our standard.

When we put our spouse down because they do not live up to our expectations, we tear down the communication lines. Yes, there are times for correction, but when we do it constantly and and in a negative way, we do not do it the Biblical way.

Hearing on a daily basis, “You’re not good enough,” will impact your spouse in a negative way instead of improving their “wrong” behavior. Naturally, we want to nag to correct. But the best course of action is to pray for your spouse and work on correcting our own flaws. We all have many, but when God’s love fills our heart, we give our problems to Him instead of taking matters into our own hands. Having patience for each other goes a long way in a relationship.

Him+Her Talk
Discuss a trait you would like to work on and ask your spouse to pray for a that specific need.

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Week 17

A Gentle Answer

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

There was probably a time or two, or maybe even ten when we have gotten into a disagreement with our spouse. The easiest thing to do is to defend our own precious self or to even attack our spouse. But usually that makes the situation even worse, making the other spouse more upset. We all have different personalities and may tend to deal with anger differently, but Scriptures tell us “In your anger, do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26).

It is usually a human’s natural reaction to to get angry and hostile when an argument happens. But God calls us to not sin even when we are angry. It is one of the most difficult things for a human to do. Proverbs gives us a little clue as to what to do when another person is angry with us. It calls us to use kind and gentle words.

Who wants to say gentle words when anger is in the air? However, it works like a miracle! The devil doesn’t stand a chance when we pray for God’s strength and wisdom in a hostile situation. The love of Jesus is so powerful, and His kindness so great, that when we show others His love, they suddenly feel less angry. That’s the power of kind words!

 
Him+Her Weekly Goal

When a disagreement arises, consult God with a prayer, and try using your kind words.

Week 16

Family Connections

It is interesting to notice all the various family relationships the Bible makes between God and people/people with people:

God calls Himself Our Father, and we, His children (Matthew 23:9).

We are brothers and sisters through Jesus’ blood (Hebrews 10:19).

Jesus is Groom and The Church is His Bride (Revelation 19:7).

Whoever dollows God’s law, Jesus calls His brother, sister, and mother (Matthew 12:50).

All those around us are our neighbors or us to love as we love ourselves (Mark 12:31).

Our human minds can only understand what is here in earth. In order for us to grasp concepts, God wrote His Word using analogies using family relationships that we can relate to. A parent knows how it feels to love a child. A bride knows just how much she loves her groom.

God is not so distant after all. He sends us His love through the relationships we have here on earth. He wants us to feel His love and truly know what it means to be in a close-knit relationship with Him as well as ith each other!

Him+Her Talk
Remember and share how you first fell in love with Jesus and how you came to Him.
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Week 15

Bruises, Scratches, and Gashes

But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. John 14:26

Anyone with a toddler knows just how many times you will have to comfort your child when they fall and get a bruise, scratch, or a big, disgusting, bloody gash. They’re really not pretty to look at. Parents wants to give as much love and comfort as possible. It is even more disheartening when your child falls on the same spot, three days in a row (true story).

It is quite frustrating, and we start planning crazy things to prevent them from getting hurt again. Some ideas we had was not letting them go outside and play or putting a big bulky suit/mask to prevent those boo-boos. However, restricting a toddler from play is definitely not the option.

That is probably exactly how God feels when He sees us fall into the same sin, more than once. He wants to protect us from the trap, but He knows how important it is for us to learn to be careful and to rely on Him for support. He gives humans their free will to choose.

Just like a child needs to learn to be more careful and to rely on his/her parents for protection, our Heavenly Father wants the same from His children. He wants us to choose Him to be our Protector, Supporter, and Comforter.

Him+Her Talk

Have you fallen into the same trap more than once and saw just how much you needed God for support?

 

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Week 14

Two Good Forgivers

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13.
We all have those annoying arguments and disagreements. Unfortunately, life will throw those tests at us, so we have to have a plan to deal with them. First things first, an angry person can never make rational decisions or say kind words. If kind words come out, they most likely will sound sarcastic and insincere. Best thing to do first is to calm down. We can find a quiet place and give ourselves time to cool off. It’s also a good time to pray and ask God for wisdom in the situation.

Putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes can give us a new perspective on things. Our hearts can soften up when we see things not just our way and think of compromising rather than just getting our own way.

And one of the most important steps, as hard as it may be is asking for forgiveness if we have wronged our spouse. Even if we think we did nothing wrong, asking for forgiveness and trying to fix the situation will score with God, and not the devil. The liar thrives on anger and disputes, but when we reconcile and humble ourselves in front of our spouse, and ultimately before God, He gives us peace and love into our hearts. It truly is an amazing feeling to be forgiven as well as forgive! A husband and wife need to be two good forgivers in order for their love to grow.

Him+Her Weekly Goal
Practice asking forgiveness in your relationship.

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Week 13

Lifting The Rock

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

We see yesterday, we see last year, but there is no way we can look into even the next day. Unlike us, our amazing God has no time limits. We don’t always see how our problems are going to be fixed, so we constantly think and beat ourselves over how to make them all better.

Yet, our awesome God has already taken care of the problem. Our job is to trust Him fully with absolutely everything. It sounds so easy, but having that kind of child-like trust in Him is exactly what He wants. If God is our Heavenly Father, He wants us to come to Him and put all of our cares upon Him! We might need to take small steps to give it all up into His mighty hands, but it will surely be worth it.

To illustrate God taking care of our problems before we even know it, I would like to remember Easter morning. When the women were walking to Jesus’ tomb, they found themselves in a huge problem. “Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?” (Mark 16:3) They had absolutely no idea God was behind the scenes (as always) controlling the situation. He had already taken care of the problem. The rock was gone! Jesus was gone!

God is in charge of the situation, no matter what! He is already two steps ahead of us. With Him, our problems will be solved. If not today, then tomorrow it will be better. He will lift “the rock”. Of course, we will have new problems to face, but when we feel God’s strong hand and peace within our hearts, the problems will be much easier to face.

Him+Her Talk

What is one problem you are facing together right now? Pray for peace in your heart to be calm about it. God is already taking care of your problem.

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Week 12

Mary, the Humble One

“I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Luke 1:38

March 25, the day Christianity remembers Annuncuation, when the Angel Gabriel announced to Mary the good news. However, these news changed her life around 360 degrees. These news changed the history of the world, forever.

Out of all women, God chose Mary to be the earthly mother of our Lord Jesus Christ! There was so many women, yet Mary was the chosen one. God must have His reasons. Her humbleness and her great love for the Lord was so amazing, that she had received such a privilege.

Out of all the example women in the Bible, Mary amazes me the most! She did not live in the 21st where so many people think nothing wrong with having children out of wedlock, but where this could have cost Mary her life. Yet, she accepted these news and humbled herself before God even more. It did not frighten her that she could lose her future husband and even her own life. Now that is quite the courageous and humble spirit!

Him+Her Weekly Goal
Practice humbleness in your words and actions with your spouse.

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Week 11

Praise, Compliments, and More Praise

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11

It seems to be very easy to find something our spouse did wrong and point that out to him/her. It also seems to be very easy to find something nice to say about someone else. However, when it comes to our spouse, it can sometimes be hard to praise or give out compliments.

Your husband took the time and effort to mow the lawn. Praise him. Thank him for using his big muscles out there in the yard. Your wife cooked three delicious meals today. Praise her. Thank her how yummy everything was. Does your spouse have a really nice outfit on today or their hair looks particularly good? Compliment. Don’t be shy.

Getting compliments and praise feels really good, especially when it comes from your closest friend, your spouse. If God’s purpose for humans here on earth is to praise Him because that is what pleases the Lord, then people only naturally like to hear praise their way.

It takes five positives to counteract one negative comment. Then what is the ratio in your daily relationship? Does the negative stick out to us like a sore thumb, but the positive is not so visible? Proverbs points out how kind words make anger disappear. King Solomon sure knew what he was talking about!

Him+Her Talk
Praise and compliment your spouse today, and every day for the rest of week.

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Week 10

Thou Shall Not Nag

Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife. Proverbs 21:19

If we really, really want something, what is the easiest way to try to get something? If it is constantly on our minds, we tend to talk about it a lot. Thus, we begin to nag and beg. Eventually, nagging leads us to one of two things. Our husbands either cave in and give us what we nagged about. He usually does it in an unhappy and grumbly sort of way. Or he gets upset and the reverse reaction occurs and he has less desire to grant the request. Either one isn’t the best reaction we would ideally want. Corinthians 13 points out that we can do the most amazing things, but if we do it without love, then it means absolutely nothing! And Proverbs portrays just how terrible it is to live with a nagging wife! The author must’ve had experience with nagging.

So, what’s the solution then? How do we get what we want? Of course, there are a few things to do, and they don’t include nagging, because usually that brings a negative response. First of all, it is more than ok to ask our husbands to do something for us. We can ask in an innocent way without having any set expectations. If we receive a no, then it is best not to press the issue, avoiding negative reactions. As the leader of the family, men need to have the power to make decisions. It is a right God has given them, because they are responsible for their families.

Second, we can “do unto others what we would like done to us”. If we serve our spouses, and do our end of the deal, even going above and beyond, then naturally our spouses will want to do the same. When we make someone happy, and show them our love and care, then it is almost impossible for the individual not to return that sort of love. Of course, serving should always be done with a pure heart and never with corrupted intentions, just to receive something in return. Jesus always served everyone, even though He knew not everyone would accept His love. That didn’t stop Him from dying on the cross for every single person!

Third, we can be humble in our wants. A man is responsible for providing the essential needs for his family, which include food, housing, clothes, and safety. However, he is not responsible for providing the most luxurious living possible. Apostle Paul said he knew how to live in wealth as well as I the absence of it. If our standard of living is way above our spouse’s, we will never be satisfied with what we have provided for us. If we look to the world and its riches for our happiness instead of Jesus Christ, we will suffer greatly as well.

Him+Her Weekly Goal
If there is something you have been nagging your spouse about, then this whole week, do not say a word about it. Do not even make any hints.

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